Brown cookie

I like the idea of not writing a novel when I post, but sometimes I can't help it.  Especially when I have a lot to say.  And I do have a lot to say about my day today.
Audra was scheduled for an endoscopy this morning.  Suppose to be at the hospital at 8:30 for a 9:30 procedure.  To make sure we didnt hit too much traffic, that meant leaving the house at 6:30.  Which meant getting up at five to get both kids up and ready, Elijah fed, Nick and I showered...etc.  The beginning part of the morning went well.  Really well.  Too well.  I should have known...

We get to the hospital.  Audra had only mentioned wanting to eat maybe twice.  This is good because poor little thing hadnt eaten since 7:00 the night before and was not allowed to eat until after the procedure.  We are sitting in the waiting room and we are a little early...its like 8:15.  Audi was being pretty good.  Elijah starts getting restless, I feed him...he settles.  8:45 rolls around..no big deal...I didnt really expect to get taken care of right at 8:30.  9:00...Audra is beginning to show signs of crankiness and restlessness.  9:10...Audra goes from kind of okay to NOT OKAY.  Crying a little and loudly proclaiming "Brown Cookie!!".  Brown Cookie= Earths Best cereal bar=Audra's favorite thing to eat.   A patient care advocate comes over to kindly let us know that they are running behind, and that they will not be taking us into a room until 10:00.  Who knows how long after that it will take them to get us in to the actual procedure.  *sigh*

So, by the time they take Audra back into the room, the WHOLE waiting room knows that she wants a BROWN COOKIE!!!  I could have cried.  I felt so sorry for her.  Anyway...

The nurse comes in to ask some pre-op questions.  Then the anesthesiologist comes in to ask questions and listen to her heart and lungs.  Questions asked, hes listening to her heart...and listening...and listening.  Turns to me and says "thats quite a murmur she has there".  Now, I have known for awhile that she had an "innocent murmur" that her pedi said she would probably grow out of and that we would "keep an eye on".  That was when she was in the months-old stage.  As she has grown bigger, anytime anyone gets near her with a stethoscope, she freaks.  So, I can see why her pedi wouldnt have really been able to hear it anymore.

The anesthesiologist decided to cancel the procedure.  He said that the last time they discovered that a child had an undiagnosed murmur and went on ahead with the procedure, the child went into cardiac arrest.  Um, no thanks.  So after a morning of anxiety, crying, prepping, planning, driving, starving...we went home with a diagnosis of a heart murmur, and no information on the extent of Audra's acid reflux.  I try hard not to worry about these things, but I really cant help it.  I mean, whats the sense in worrying?  I guess its off to see a cardiologist!

So, moral of the story...while it was a complete waste of a gorgeous morning-tortured our little girl by getting her up early and starving her- we got to bring home our little girl, alive and well...and stuffed full of 3 'Brown Cookies', graham crackers, nuggets and french fries, milk and apple juice.  So I guess it was an awesome morning after all =) .

A child is like clay...(and pancake)

Kelly Rippa says something like this..."Children are like pancakes, you always screw up the first one".  That is one of my very favorite sayings because on my bad days with Audra, it reminds me that she is the first to test me in such a way.
However, an even more important thought, children are like clay.  You mold them daily with your words and actions.  Each morning is a start of new sculpting until one day, the clay hardens.  Then you find yourself looking on the face of your adult child and whatever you last molded, is there forever...never to be changed.  So its with this I try to keep in mind...whether in my words or actions, I am shaping my children daily.  I need to keep my words kind, encouraging, and honest.  My temperament steady and compassionate, my actions unwavering, consistent, and just.  And although I love my children to little pieces and love nothing more than to see absolute happiness on their face, I will not give them everything they want.  That would be a real injustice to them.

Its way too late to be blogging.

Its almost midnight.  11:56, to be exact.  However, I feel like I have neglected my poor little blog for a  long time after I had Elijah, that I must blog like I had originally intended.  I never did complete my Project 31...

So today was a good day.  Elijah cried like I have never heard him cry before.  Big screams.  Big tears.  For a good 10 minutes straight.  Thats a long time in mommy minutes.  I did everything I could think of...tried to nurse him, bounced him, patted him, rocked him, walked him, on my shoulder, on my arm.  I shhhhhed him, sang to him, kissed him, talked to him.  I bicycled his legs, I layed him down, I rubbed his tummy, I took his pajamas off and looked him over, making sure I wasn't missing something.  Nope.  Nothing.  Finally he calmed down enough for me to nurse him for a minute, which made him go immediately asleep.  Yes, today was a good day.  Im so thankful to have a healthy baby to be completely baffled by.

Happy Easter!

I have been very excited about today.  Sure, I looked forward to putting Audra in her pretty pink Easter dress.  I looked forward to her looking for her Easter eggs.  I even looked forward to getting some really great pictures of her finding those Easter eggs in her pretty pink Easter dress.  See!

But what I really looked forward to was acknowledging and praising the risen Christ.  And let me tell you, I was not disappointed.  Church was awesome this morning.  I left feeling like I really made some serious connections.  I can't even explain it.  And maybe, if I'm lucky, I wasn't the only one making connections.  And a lesson I got that I guess I never really thought about before (though I knew this to be true) is that Christianity's foundation is the resurrection.  Duh!  For some reason, that was a profound realization for me, lol.  Ah yes, anyway...great day... I love my children, I love my husband, I love my church,  I love my God, and I am so blessed.

And just because I love this picture....

Why yes, that is a purple pacifier in HIS mouth.

I don't think you can ever imagine how different two babies can be, when you have only had one.  I mean, you hear it all the time, but really?  Well, I can definitely tell you now that my children are completely different.  Elijah is so, ummm, hes just so, whats the word....CHILL.  Patient, calm, smiley, easy, and just so HAPPY.  I cant believe it.  I mean, who knew that not all babies had periods of time where they would just scream?  Who knew that not all babies spit up (a considerable amount)?  Who knew that it could be so easy?  I gotta tell ya, I was prepared for the worst. 

Poor little Audra.  She really wanted to be a happy baby, but well, she just wasnt.  She simply didn't feel good a lot of the time.  When she felt good she was smiley and so so sweet.  As she got older it got so much better for her, but for the first few months of her little life, she was just miserable.  Bless her little heart.  She has always had such a strong personality.  Shes intense, demanding, impatient, funny, so smart (and its not because shes mine that I say that), and cautious.  They are so different (and I've only known Elijah for 10 weeks!) and I love them both for the qualities that make them different.  I look forward to finding out more about Elijah and hearing more of Audra's thoughts as she learns to articulate them. 

One thing that surprises me about the two is how when Audra was a baby, everyone thought she was a boy...even when she would wear pink.  I just assumed it was the green car seat.  Fast forward two and a half years later, same green carseat, boy baby, and everyone thinks hes a girl.  Blue blanket and all!  What the heck?  Maybe it has something to do with his purple pacifier??  Lol...

Its raining its pouring...

Well actually, its sunny today!  However, this song is stuck in my head due to the last couple of rainy days.  Im trying to think of something to do with the kiddos today.  Im exceptionally exhausted so if I dont get out, Im afraid I might be tempted to lay on the couch with Curious George or Elmo on...just being honest!  Cant go to the park because the equipment is wet.  Went to the mall yesterday to walk around (since it was raining).  Could go for a walk outside, but Audra likes to walk and without Nick, it makes me nervous she would run out into traffic while Im holding onto the stroller.  I suppose we could walk up and down the non busy streets...hmmm.  I guess maybe I could go check out the NH Childrens Museum.  That feels like a huge undertaking by myself, but I could do it. 

So, Elijah is doing AWESOME!  He still gets up to eat through the night a couple of times, but he is super healthy and alert.  Hes perfect, really.  So sturdy and alert.  I just love him to little pieces.  And on that note...hes crying...