If I don't laugh, I just might cry.

5:30 a.m.

Is what time I was forcefully awaken (is that correct?) from a dream.  To a child crying.  Oh wait, I was just up there 45 minutes ago...and 30 minutes before that...and an hour and a half before that...

6 a.m.  Finally, he won.  Audra had also needed my assistance at about 5:45.  She too, was up at 6 a.m.  Let the fun begin!  Since I everyone was up so early, I took a shower before the hubster left for work.  Amazing.  I thought to myself "this is going to be a great day!  Its going to be unseasonably warm, I've already taken a shower, and I get to go have coffee with some moms from school!".

9:00 a.m.  Im sitting at a coffee shop with 3 moms I don't really know.  They are so nice and so chatty...I feel like I've known them forever!  Elijah wakes from his morning nap around 10:00 and I pull him from his carseat.  Hes on my lap smiling, talking, kissing me...he was just being really good.  And then it happened.  Are you thinking he grabbed my coffee and spilled it all over himself?  Are you thinking he spilled it all over me?  Well if you were thinking either of those things, your wrong.  No, I dropped him he jumped out of my arms onto the concrete floor.  He hit his head on his carseat prior to landing on the floor.  That really saved some damage, according to the doctor.  He seems fine...Im so thankful. 

Anyway...I have to go get Audra from school a little early so that I can run them to the doctor.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that I happened to look in Audra's throat and noticed that it was super red, swollen, and with white spots???  Oh, and that the babysitter who watched them for me on Saturday called me yesterday to let me know she was diagnosed with strep??   OH, and how about the part about me taking Elijah to the doctor YESTERDAY for a double ear infection??  And I did tell you I set my oven on fire, right??  *sigh* 

1:31 p.m.  Im sitting here on the couch, blogging.  Both children are asleep.  Im waiting for Audra's strep test to come back.  I have a test tonight in Abnormal Psych that I should be studying for, but truthfully, I just want to take a nap.  Oh well.

Looks pretty good for possibly having Strep

Looks really good for having been dropped jumping out of my arms onto concrete.

My pumpkin pie shortly before I set the oven on fire.

And my oven post fire =[

*By the way...does anyone know if it is safe to still use the oven after its been on fire?

The oven, the oven, the ovens on fire

I have something that has been on my mind.  I would love to sit here and tell you about the awesomeness leading up to this main event, but I fear it would bore you.  Let me just say...Benny Hinn with a light saber...that, my friends, you must see.  Anyway...

Downtown Boston, 11:00 p.m.  Nick and I are with two other couples.  All of us are Christians, one couple actually pastors one of our Sunday services.  We walk out of a hotel after stopping in to ask some questions at the front desk.  Immediately upon exiting, a man walks up to us.  This man was older...maybe 60's?  Long grey hair that is in a matted pony tail.  Dirty hands...scraggly clothes...a back pack.  Im thinking homeless.  The man starts yelling some nasty things (I feel like Im sinning just thinking about the things he was saying, lol) at us, name calling and what-not.  Now mind you, there are 6 of us.  Out of the 6, he hones in on one...the pastor.  Kind of weird, huh?  As I was watching this madness unfold, I was thinking to myself "how is pastor going to bring some Jesus into this situation?".  And sure enough, pastor sticks out his hand and introduces himself.  I couldn't have been more proud to be a Christian than at that moment.  That my friends, is exactly what we have been called to do.  No matter the situation, if you claim to be a child of God, you need to think about what the Bible teaches you to do...

³⁵ For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. ³⁶ I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

Matthew 25:35

The man swatted pastors hand away and continued to follow us down the street, absolutely berating him/us with profanities.  At one point he showed off some of his sweet karate skills with a kick (not actually landing on anyone).  He was also throwing out accusations of some possible CIA work on our part, lol.  Once we finally got in the car, he hit my passenger side window with both fists.  

My adrenaline was pumping, but I don't think I was actually ever really afraid.  Maybe because there were so many of us, maybe because no one was fighting back with the man.  And after all was said and done, we were able to laugh about it all.  Although, I think we all know how truly sad the situation was.  Who knows who the man is or what his problems are.  All I know for sure is that he wasn't 'right'. *sigh*

On a brighter  side note, I set my oven on fire tonight.  I may have made an awesome Pumpkin Pie with a crust I made from scratch, along with some home made whipped cream, but setting the oven on fire definitely docked me some domestic goddess points.  Oh well, thank the Lord it was contained to the oven.

Blood, sweat, tears

The day before yesterday, the kids and I were hanging around the house.  I was thinking about grocery shopping (due to a late October snowstorm, we had no power for awhile and lost all things in our fridge).  Im standing at the kitchen counter when all of a sudden, Audra trips, and falls face first into the edge of the counter and then falls straight back onto the floor.  I scoop her up immediately, look at her face, and see nothing but blood.  A lot of blood.  I go to reach for a paper towel, then think better of it, and go and grab a black pair of pajamas pants (you know, so she wouldnt see all of the blood and freak out even more).  I realize, after cleaning her up some, that she has either bit completely through her lip, or the counter cut her lip.  Either way, I know we have to go to the E.R.
Fast forward a couple of HOURS...we are sitting in an exam room, waiting for the doctor.  Nick has joined us from work.  Finally doctor comes in, takes a look (as Audra screams) and tells us she needs a stitch or two.  How do you stitch the lip of a 3 year old, you ask?  You must put them to sleep, right?  You know, since they will inevitably fight you and make it impossible to stitch them up (in our case, we actually opted for the glue)...especially since its on the face and you need to do a good job to prevent a disfiguring scar.  NOPE.  They do something even less traumatizing.  They take a bed sheet, fold it in half, and wrap the child like a mummy.  Then they make you lay on your back while you bear hug the child and squeeze them to death.  All the while you have a nurse holding the childs head still and squeezing the jaw shut-and a nurse holding down the legs.  This is all kinds of awesome.  Not really. 

So what do you do when you have to put your child through all of that?  You buy them ice cream, of course!  Chocolate ice cream with m&ms on top...

Real Houswife, baby!

Psh!  The real housewives have nothing on THIS real housewife!  Well, except maybe money...and nannies....and hairstylists...and designers...and personal trainers...

Anyway...I think its kind of tragic that our "reality" t.v. shows depict the reality of about 3% of the population.  I would really love to look into the life of a true housewife (you know, like the kind that live next door to you or I) and put to shame most of the reality t.v. women.  They speak so much of family and loyalty, yet what they are actually doing in their lives is so contrary to what they preach!  Their lives don't even mirror the day to day of a real housewife.  I want to see just ONE of them driving themselves to watch their kids soccer game.  Or how about sitting down and doing homework with their kids?  Or how about mopping the floors?  Gardening?  Silly Amanda...that doesn't get viewers! 

We don't watch them because they are Real Housewives.  We watch them because they are so not us...

Debbie Downer

I'm sure somewhere in the world there is a woman named Deborah Downer.  Poor thing.

Anyway, that should have been my name today.  For no good reason at all, I was miserable today.  Actually, I can think of a couple of reasons that contributed to my blah day, but it would be distasteful to say what is really on my mind.  So I will refrain.  Instead I could blame a little of it on the lack of sleep that has been building over the last few days.  Also a contributing factor could be the large amount of sugar cookies, made by my mother-in-law, to sabotage me and make me fat I devoured (and of course, felt guilty about).  Audra fell (sat) on Elijah's leg and for a few minutes, he wouldn't move it (nor would he stop crying).  I thought for sure I was going to have to take him to the E.R. for a broken leg.  I never fail to jump to worst-case scenario (how do they cast babies?  how will this affect his growth?  will they have to re-break it?...etc.).  This kind of thing isn't good for my heart.  Thank goodness his little leg is fine.  I also had class this morning...nuff said.

And here it is.  11:09.  Im sitting in my bed blogging after watching Bridesmaids, still feeling sorry for myself.  Thinking about all of the things I needed to do today that I didn't do...and of course, beating myself up over it.  For instance, tomorrow is Audra's birthday party (the other party was canceled due to an ear infection).  I was suppose to make cupcakes.  I did not.  Now I need to scramble to buy a cake that wont be nearly as cool *sigh*.  I really hate that I did that.  I suppose I could get up at 5 a.m. to make them before going to the 8:45 service, serving in the childrens ministry for the 10:00, going to a baby shower for 11:30, hitting up the balloon store for 2:30ish, making it home by 3:00 for the actual party.  Somewhere in between I need to pick up a gift bag for the baby shower gifts, decorate the house, and take a shower.  I could cry. 

Im praying for a sunny disposition tomorrow.  Im also praying for a really good, sound, nights sleep. 

This is what I mean...

When I said...

Owl-bird-tree things

So stinkin' cute!

All kinds of cute

I love this hat.

I love owls.

I love that whole owl-bird-tree thing that

has become kind of

popular lately.  Its not a 'retro'

type thing, is it?

Well, I dont know what it is, but I love it.

And even more than I love this hat,

or owl-bird-tree things...

I love this little boy.

He has brought more smiles to strangers,

more joy to my heart, and more light to the world.

=)

Birthday Party!

Tomorrow my family and I will be celebrating my daughters 3RD birthday.  You hear people say "where did the time go" or "I cant believe (fill in the blank) is already (however old)!", or "my how time flies!" all of the time.  And I even catch myself saying to people "it happens quick!" or "it seems like yesterday".  I guess since these phrases are said so often, and we hear some form of them on an almost daily basis ("enjoy those little ones, they grow up fast!"), it must be a testament to how true it really is.  So here it goes....

Where did the time go?  I cant believe my first-born is already 3!  It just happened so quick!  Time flies...

Most of the time when I look upon that beautiful little face, I just see my little Audibell.  But there are the rare moments when she gives me a certain look - I can almost see my baby.  You know, my teeny tiny Audra.  And its not just that...its her smell.  Sometimes I can smell my newborn baby, but its so faint and it happens so quick.  Then its gone.  I think back to being pregnant with her and how excited I was to finally hold her.  When they gave her to me all swaddled and pink, it didn't take me but a minute to unwrap her so I could make sure she was perfect.  And those little tiny toes.  I loved those little feet.  Those first couple of days in the hospital were so surreal, but so amazing.  I just held her...her little head tucked up under my chin as I listened to all of those musical newborn sounds.  I had no idea while holding her then what it would sound like to hear her say "I love you, momma".

And here I am, sobbing.  I love her so much.  She brings laughter to my life like no one else has.  Shes growing up and truly, it has happened so fast.

Its getting colder.

As much as I love the Summer, I love Autumn even more.  Its the way things smell, the feel of the air, the seasonal fruit, the fairs, and maybe a  touch of anticipation of Christmas.  Things have really gotten busy around here lately now that fall has come.  Audra started Pre-school, which is awesome.  She was so ready and is learning so much.  Not to mention, its nice for me to have a couple of hours in the morning with Elijah.  Its like he and I have little dates throughout the week.  She also started Gymnastics,  which has been, ummm...interesting.  I think she might be getting kicked out though (whole other story).  Then Nick and I started school.  He for his Masters, I for my Associates.  Thats complicated things a little.  We also joined a Small Group (a.k.a. Bible Study) which is something we look forward to on a weekly basis.  So yeah, its been a little chaotic, to say the least.
While I am enjoying the quickened pace as of late, I'm also having a hard time with being hard on myself.  I can't help but feel the pressure to be the picture perfect woman-mom-student-wife-friend-christian-and house keeper.  I look at all of the women who surround me.  Those I know, and those I am only acquaintances with.  Here is what Im up against....

Woman #1- Super crafty (sooo talented) and has the warmest house you have ever been invited to.
Woman #2- Amazing christian woman who is so close to God that it just seeps out of her being (and makes you want to be around her). 
Woman #3- Super motivated, active, and fit mom.  I cant even get into that one...
Woman #4-Successful business mom
Woman #5- Mom and successful working woman who looks GREAT in everything she wears.  Im sure she would be picture-ready even if she had not showered for 3 days.
Woman #6- Woman who has a super clean house, is a runner, has two kids, and makes home-cooked healthy meals daily.  This one makes me want to cry...

*sigh*  I just want to like who I am, ya know?  Truth be told, there are times when Im proud of what I have accomplished in life, but most of the time...I find myself wanting to take parts of these other women and build myself into my idea of perfect.  Then when I fall short, it really hurts.  Even if I could collect half of these women's attributes, I would feel better.  But then I think about this verse in the Bible...

              So God created human beings in his own image.
      In the image of God he created them;
      male and female he created them. 

 *Genesis 1:27

So if God is perfect (and he is) and he created ME in his own image, should I not give God's work some respect?  I absolutely should!  I should strive to love myself just as I am, just as God made me, because this is who I'm suppose to be right now.  I'm not going to stop striving to be better, but I'm going to try to stop beating myself up over not being like her, or her, or her...etc. 

                                             You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
                                             and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank 

                                             you for making me so wonderfully complex!
                                             Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. 

                                             You watched me as  I was being formed in utter
                                             seclusion as I was woven together in the dark of the 
                                             womb.

*Psalm 139: 13-15

 

Oh the tantrums....

My original post for this was very long.  I went into great detail about my day and what kind of horrendous tantrum Audra threw today.  Then I thought better of it, and erased the whole thing.  I wrote it while I was still upset and still feeling a little worn down.  I still feel a little defeated.  Let me sum it up for you...

Audra is almost 3.  She wants to be independent.  She wants to test me CONSTANTLY.  My threats are no longer effective.  Now I'm actually having to carry the threats out.  My mean look and stern tone are no longer deterrents.  Even my panicked, your-about-to-do-something-dangerous, voice doesn't halt her anymore.  Its unnerving to me to feel like Im no longer in control.  Thats really what it boils down to.  I end up analysing everything Im doing as a parent.  Do I say 'no' to her too much and its causing her to act out?  Am I not paying enough attention to her?  Are my punishments not harsh enough?  Are they too harsh?  Am I even punishing her for the right things?


My heart hurts over her tonight.  Once again I had to carry her out of a store, her screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting me...me fuming because shes being so nasty.  And again, here we are in the car....her crying like crazy asking me "your happy?!?!?".  Me: "No Audra, Im not happy.  It doesn't make me happy when you don't listen to mommy.  And it certainly doesn't make me happy when you act like that."  More tears..."you ARE happy!!!".  Me: "No Audra, Im really not.".  Mind you, her little face is soaked with tears, and shes doing that choppy-gasping type breathing as shes crying.  I go through my usual run-down of why I'm not happy, etc.   But today was slightly different.  Usually she will sob out a "yeah" or "sorry, Momma" or "I want to go somewhere else!".  Not today.  Today she sobbed out "I love you, Momma" .  I could cry just typing it. 

Does she think that just because I'm angry with her that my love suddenly stops?  I suppose in the world of a 3 year old, it does sometimes.  How do I convey to her that no matter what in the world she ever does or says, I love her so much that my heart could burst?  For every time I hear her tell me 'no' and for every angry scream she belts out, I have in my heart the memories of holding her for the first time.  The quiet snuggles of a 3 a.m. feeding.  Seeing her first purposeful smile.  Watching her take her first steps.  Hearing her squeal and laugh as I tickle her.  Even the not so distant memories of our morning hug and kiss.

I suppose if this is ever the extent of my heartache with her, I will be a lucky woman.

The iPhone has ruined me.

I have barely touched my laptop since getting the iPhone.  Its just so convenient (in most ways).  I Can't update my blog (well I could, but it would take me FOREVER), can't see everything on Facebook (but certainly enough to get by), can't sort out my e-mail like I would prefer, and I can't really follow along on one of my favorite sites about kids (get an app!!).  Other than that, I have never been so up-to-date on the news, lol.  Nor have I ever played so many Scrabble type games in my life.  Also new to me is carrying around my phone EVERYWHERE.  To the bathroom, while doing laundry, to water the flowers...how sad???  I have never in my life had my phone with me all of the time.  I think my husband is annoyed.  Rightfully so.  Oh yeah, and the PICTURES!!!  Oh the pictures!!  I have probably snapped a good 250 in the past month and a half.  Now if I could just find a good camera app...

And just because I can...

Have I ever told you how much I love them ↑?  Because of them my days are sunnier, my life is more complete, and my heart is so full.  Oh yeah, and this guy ↓?  Hes pretty amazing too...actually, really amazing...

...handsome too!

Pictures that were meant to be posted elsewhere

These were the pictures meant for this post

                        *My poor, sick, baby.  This was after an exhausting afternoon of blood work and x-rays☹

And then pictures for this post 

                         *My healthy fix-ens for an omelet.  Mushrooms, asparagus, peppers, and onions.

Little adjustments, big changes.

I recently decided that I needed to readjust a couple of areas in my life.  Heavy for an opening statement, right?  In short, I decided that I needed to eat healthier, exercise more, and be more conscientious of how I'm raising my kids.  Probably exactly what everyone else wants to change, lol.  Let me break it down...

Eating, yeah, I've been terrible.  I'm very lax, to say the least.  So Im starting small to be successful.  First off, this is a family affair.  Yep...no more chicken nuggets and french fries from good 'ole Mickey Dee's (ok, lets be honest, Im gonna cut down, not out).  Which means, no more Quarter Pounders for momma.  Also, no more meals/snacks in front of the t.v.  This is a challenge for me.  I was getting pretty bad about letting Audra have her snacks in the living room.  I was also in the habit of putting a movie on my laptop for her during meal times.  Bad mommy.  But lets face it, Nick and I arent in the habit of eating dinner at normal people times and I usually dont eat lunch until after the kids go down for a nap, and breakfast...well who needs breakfast when you have coffee??  So poor little Audra was eating her meals at the table with Nemo (or Elmo, Blues Clues, Buzz Lightyear).  No more.  For the past two days I have been sitting with her at the table (even if Im not eating) for her meals.  Im pretty proud of this adjustment.  Its long been our routine to make her food, sit her at the table, and turn on the movie of the week.  It really kinda makes me sad to think about it.  What kind of an example have I been setting for her?  *sigh*  At least Im making changes now, right?
So this leads me to cooking healthier.  Making sure I start presenting foods in a variety of ways and also making sure to introduce new (healthy) foods.   To my surprise, Audra is really showing some interest in things that she hasn't before.  She isn't crazy about not watching her movies anymore and asks for them every.single.time.  Ah well, she'll get used to it.
The excercise part in all of this?  Well, thank goodness its only my problem.  I would like to dedicate one night a week to yoga (slow changes, remember?).  The slow kind.  The relaxing kind.  I went to the Athletic yoga a couple of weeks ago and realized I had made a horrible mistake.  These people were pros...stand-on-your-head pros.  Im not even kidding.  While it was impressive to watch, it was humiliating to be there.  The worst part?  The class was an hour and a half long!  I stuck it out and did what I could, but wow...thats not the yoga I love.  I also want to vow to take a walk with the kids on nice days (hopefully at least 2 days per week).
Its time to make some changes.  Not only for myself, but for the benefit of my whole family.  Im hoping that doing this slowly will help me to make lasting changes.  Wish me luck!

This post was written a few days ago, but finished now...so I've actually been doing well for the past 4 days...awesome

New Day.

     Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

(Ephesians 4:29-32).

I was a nasty person yesterday.  I was short tempered and said some hateful things.  I was impatient and not compassionate.  I was selfish.

I had a bad day

Audra is still sick.  Shes whiny and has a serious attitude problem while being sick.

Elijah is starting to look every which way while nursing...and then gets frusterated for some reason and will latch/unlatch a million times during a feeding.  Ouch.  

I got some news that I wasn't expecting.  News that changed my plans for the weekend.  Plans that I very much looked forward to.

I had to drudge out into the rain with both kids to the grocery store.  Audra crying and whining the whole time.  We were out of milk and that is of course, what Audra wanted to drink.

I wanted to take a shower, but Audra had no interest in going upstairs. 

It was a bad day

I would like to say that I took the high road and dealt with all of these things with grace, but I did not.  I yelled at Audra.  I put a shopping cart behind the car that was next to me because I was aggravated that he parked so close.  And I said some really nasty things about someone...even going as far as proclaiming that I hated them.  I took my frustrations out on Nick at the end of the night.  My behavior was less than honarable.

In hindsight, it wasn't really a bad day.  It was me who made me have a bad day.  Because Im selfish.  I wanted to take a shower.  I wanted to fulfill my weekend plans.  I wanted Audra to feel better and go back to her normal self.  I wanted Elijah to stop being so fidgety.  I wanted to stay at home and not go to the grocery store.  It all seems so insignificant when you think about the people down in the south who have lost their children, their grocery stores, their homes.  I bet they aren't complaining about not being able to take a shower.  I bet they would love to listen to the sounds of their child coughing and whining and crying.

So today, I will be THANKFUL.  I will be thankful for my children, the ability to feed my children, our warm house, our vehicles...I will be thankful for an amazing husband who loves our children and wants to spend time with them, who loves me even though Im less than perfect.  I will be thankful for friends who save my weekend plans =)

Lillies, shopping, and fevers.

Yesterday was an AWESOME day.  Warm, sunny, beautiful.  The neighborhood was buzzing with activity.  It was one of those days that if you tried to have the same kind of day the following weekend, it just wouldn't be as cool.  I stumbled upon an AMAZING deal at Stop and Shop.  Free Easter Lillies.  Yes, FREE.  So what did I do?  I packed my car full of them.  When I got home I gave some away to neighbors (trying to make friends, lol) and put a couple in my house.  Then I decided to plant the rest.  I dug and weeded for HOURS.  I also had some Columbines that we purchased earlier that needed to be put in the ground, so it was good timing to get free Lillies. 

I also went shopping for Summer clothes for the kids.  Surprisingly, I didn't enjoy myself as much as one would expect.  Free reign to spend money and take my time doing so with no children to look after should equal a good time (if you like to shop like I do).  Nope.  I was too concerned about the little girl I was shopping for.  Audra was at home, laying on the couch, fever, leg pain, and cough.  I just kept wracking my brain trying to think of what could cause all of those symptoms.  And also praying fervently that Elijah wouldn't catch it too.  I came up with possible strep, the flu, or a virus.  Im taking her in to the doc today to check it out.  Anyway...when shes feeling better I will snap some pics of her in her cute new clothes. 

Brown cookie

I like the idea of not writing a novel when I post, but sometimes I can't help it.  Especially when I have a lot to say.  And I do have a lot to say about my day today.
Audra was scheduled for an endoscopy this morning.  Suppose to be at the hospital at 8:30 for a 9:30 procedure.  To make sure we didnt hit too much traffic, that meant leaving the house at 6:30.  Which meant getting up at five to get both kids up and ready, Elijah fed, Nick and I showered...etc.  The beginning part of the morning went well.  Really well.  Too well.  I should have known...

We get to the hospital.  Audra had only mentioned wanting to eat maybe twice.  This is good because poor little thing hadnt eaten since 7:00 the night before and was not allowed to eat until after the procedure.  We are sitting in the waiting room and we are a little early...its like 8:15.  Audi was being pretty good.  Elijah starts getting restless, I feed him...he settles.  8:45 rolls around..no big deal...I didnt really expect to get taken care of right at 8:30.  9:00...Audra is beginning to show signs of crankiness and restlessness.  9:10...Audra goes from kind of okay to NOT OKAY.  Crying a little and loudly proclaiming "Brown Cookie!!".  Brown Cookie= Earths Best cereal bar=Audra's favorite thing to eat.   A patient care advocate comes over to kindly let us know that they are running behind, and that they will not be taking us into a room until 10:00.  Who knows how long after that it will take them to get us in to the actual procedure.  *sigh*

So, by the time they take Audra back into the room, the WHOLE waiting room knows that she wants a BROWN COOKIE!!!  I could have cried.  I felt so sorry for her.  Anyway...

The nurse comes in to ask some pre-op questions.  Then the anesthesiologist comes in to ask questions and listen to her heart and lungs.  Questions asked, hes listening to her heart...and listening...and listening.  Turns to me and says "thats quite a murmur she has there".  Now, I have known for awhile that she had an "innocent murmur" that her pedi said she would probably grow out of and that we would "keep an eye on".  That was when she was in the months-old stage.  As she has grown bigger, anytime anyone gets near her with a stethoscope, she freaks.  So, I can see why her pedi wouldnt have really been able to hear it anymore.

The anesthesiologist decided to cancel the procedure.  He said that the last time they discovered that a child had an undiagnosed murmur and went on ahead with the procedure, the child went into cardiac arrest.  Um, no thanks.  So after a morning of anxiety, crying, prepping, planning, driving, starving...we went home with a diagnosis of a heart murmur, and no information on the extent of Audra's acid reflux.  I try hard not to worry about these things, but I really cant help it.  I mean, whats the sense in worrying?  I guess its off to see a cardiologist!

So, moral of the story...while it was a complete waste of a gorgeous morning-tortured our little girl by getting her up early and starving her- we got to bring home our little girl, alive and well...and stuffed full of 3 'Brown Cookies', graham crackers, nuggets and french fries, milk and apple juice.  So I guess it was an awesome morning after all =) .

A child is like clay...(and pancake)

Kelly Rippa says something like this..."Children are like pancakes, you always screw up the first one".  That is one of my very favorite sayings because on my bad days with Audra, it reminds me that she is the first to test me in such a way.
However, an even more important thought, children are like clay.  You mold them daily with your words and actions.  Each morning is a start of new sculpting until one day, the clay hardens.  Then you find yourself looking on the face of your adult child and whatever you last molded, is there forever...never to be changed.  So its with this I try to keep in mind...whether in my words or actions, I am shaping my children daily.  I need to keep my words kind, encouraging, and honest.  My temperament steady and compassionate, my actions unwavering, consistent, and just.  And although I love my children to little pieces and love nothing more than to see absolute happiness on their face, I will not give them everything they want.  That would be a real injustice to them.

Its way too late to be blogging.

Its almost midnight.  11:56, to be exact.  However, I feel like I have neglected my poor little blog for a  long time after I had Elijah, that I must blog like I had originally intended.  I never did complete my Project 31...

So today was a good day.  Elijah cried like I have never heard him cry before.  Big screams.  Big tears.  For a good 10 minutes straight.  Thats a long time in mommy minutes.  I did everything I could think of...tried to nurse him, bounced him, patted him, rocked him, walked him, on my shoulder, on my arm.  I shhhhhed him, sang to him, kissed him, talked to him.  I bicycled his legs, I layed him down, I rubbed his tummy, I took his pajamas off and looked him over, making sure I wasn't missing something.  Nope.  Nothing.  Finally he calmed down enough for me to nurse him for a minute, which made him go immediately asleep.  Yes, today was a good day.  Im so thankful to have a healthy baby to be completely baffled by.

Happy Easter!

I have been very excited about today.  Sure, I looked forward to putting Audra in her pretty pink Easter dress.  I looked forward to her looking for her Easter eggs.  I even looked forward to getting some really great pictures of her finding those Easter eggs in her pretty pink Easter dress.  See!

But what I really looked forward to was acknowledging and praising the risen Christ.  And let me tell you, I was not disappointed.  Church was awesome this morning.  I left feeling like I really made some serious connections.  I can't even explain it.  And maybe, if I'm lucky, I wasn't the only one making connections.  And a lesson I got that I guess I never really thought about before (though I knew this to be true) is that Christianity's foundation is the resurrection.  Duh!  For some reason, that was a profound realization for me, lol.  Ah yes, anyway...great day... I love my children, I love my husband, I love my church,  I love my God, and I am so blessed.

And just because I love this picture....

Why yes, that is a purple pacifier in HIS mouth.

I don't think you can ever imagine how different two babies can be, when you have only had one.  I mean, you hear it all the time, but really?  Well, I can definitely tell you now that my children are completely different.  Elijah is so, ummm, hes just so, whats the word....CHILL.  Patient, calm, smiley, easy, and just so HAPPY.  I cant believe it.  I mean, who knew that not all babies had periods of time where they would just scream?  Who knew that not all babies spit up (a considerable amount)?  Who knew that it could be so easy?  I gotta tell ya, I was prepared for the worst. 

Poor little Audra.  She really wanted to be a happy baby, but well, she just wasnt.  She simply didn't feel good a lot of the time.  When she felt good she was smiley and so so sweet.  As she got older it got so much better for her, but for the first few months of her little life, she was just miserable.  Bless her little heart.  She has always had such a strong personality.  Shes intense, demanding, impatient, funny, so smart (and its not because shes mine that I say that), and cautious.  They are so different (and I've only known Elijah for 10 weeks!) and I love them both for the qualities that make them different.  I look forward to finding out more about Elijah and hearing more of Audra's thoughts as she learns to articulate them. 

One thing that surprises me about the two is how when Audra was a baby, everyone thought she was a boy...even when she would wear pink.  I just assumed it was the green car seat.  Fast forward two and a half years later, same green carseat, boy baby, and everyone thinks hes a girl.  Blue blanket and all!  What the heck?  Maybe it has something to do with his purple pacifier??  Lol...

Its raining its pouring...

Well actually, its sunny today!  However, this song is stuck in my head due to the last couple of rainy days.  Im trying to think of something to do with the kiddos today.  Im exceptionally exhausted so if I dont get out, Im afraid I might be tempted to lay on the couch with Curious George or Elmo on...just being honest!  Cant go to the park because the equipment is wet.  Went to the mall yesterday to walk around (since it was raining).  Could go for a walk outside, but Audra likes to walk and without Nick, it makes me nervous she would run out into traffic while Im holding onto the stroller.  I suppose we could walk up and down the non busy streets...hmmm.  I guess maybe I could go check out the NH Childrens Museum.  That feels like a huge undertaking by myself, but I could do it. 

So, Elijah is doing AWESOME!  He still gets up to eat through the night a couple of times, but he is super healthy and alert.  Hes perfect, really.  So sturdy and alert.  I just love him to little pieces.  And on that note...hes crying...

What a crazy week...

Life at home is busy...very busy.  Thank goodness Nick is home for the rest of the week.  I will miss him terribly when he goes back to work.  Getting two kids out of the house is going to be a real challenge all by myself, but with the proper planning, I can get it done.  Audra seems to really love her new little brother.  I hear "see baby?  Hug baby?  Touch baby?  Hold baby?  Kiss baby?"  all of the time =) .  She doesn't seem the least bit offended by him.  Im so glad.  I was worried that she would feel left out or hurt by his arrival.
So about my little boy...he is so sweet (of course he is...hes a baby!).  He doesn't cry much...just when hes hungry or getting his diaper changed.  He sleeps ok.  He LOVES to be held.  He is all business when it comes to eating.  Not a sleepy feeder at all, which is such a blessing when it comes to breastfeeding.  I took him in for his first doctors appt. last Friday, 2/18, and he weighed in at 7lbs 10oz.  He left the hospital on Wednesday, 2/16, at 7lbs 9oz.  So it wasn't a great gain.  Then today we took him in for a weight check and he came in at 8lbs even!  I'm so glad hes gaining well.  And note to self (and everyone else) breastfeeding is so much easier than bottle feeding.  Audra was bottle fed and to compare the two...wow!  I dont have to carry around all that extra stuff anymore...or clean bottles (which was my least favorite thing in the whole world to do).  I'm soooooo glad its working out for me this time.  I'm tired and I wish I was able to share the night shift, but I'm so glad to be able to experience this.

So life is good....great.  I'm happy.  I'm in love with the three people in my home.  I couldn't ask for more.

And then there were 4

I'm so in love.  Elijah was born on Valentines day at 9:59 a.m. weighing in at a healthy 8lbs 3ozs and measuring 20 inches.  He is so precious.  It came as a little bit of a surprise to me that the second is no less exciting than the first.  I mean, here it is, 3 a.m.   I'm EXHAUSTED, but I'm just simply too happy/excited/in love/pumped/thrilled-to-have-another-baby, to sleep!  So, please ignore the typos and/or non-sense making statements I may make.  I'm sad that Nick isn't here with me, but so glad he's the one at home with Audra.  She is still under the weather (definitely better, but still) and in a horrible habit of sleeping on the couch now.  It would be impossible for someone to stay with her other than one of us at the moment.  However, I had the baby SO fast that at least Nick got to hang with his new son for a long time today before going home to our first baby.  When I say fast, I mean FAST.  I will spare you the gory details, but from start to finish was only 3 and a half hours!!!  WOOHOO!!!  I cannot tell you how thankful I am for that, lol.  Also, I just have to tell you, God really answered my prayers.  I have prayed so hard over this day...the health of the baby, my health, labor, delivery, my state of mind during all of it...etc.  I cannot even put into words how thankful and truly unworthy I feel to be so blessed.  It humbles me.

My beautiful husband...what an amazing father...

Precious little angel...

Audra will be meeting him tomorrow, so I will have more pictures to post at that point =)

Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.

I guess I just feel the need to try to be perfect most of the time.  I so want to be the Cleaver mom.  I want my house to be spotless and to be the perfect mom.  I want to serve my husband who works so hard so that I can stay at home with our children.  I want the perfect physique and to always appear to be polished and well put together.  I want to have dinner on the table every night by the time Nick gets home from work....a perfectly balanced, healthy, and delicious meal.  I want to be a better Christian.  I feel like there is so much more that I should be doing to glorify God and to be a better witness.

Its me that wears me out.  I'm just not that woman...and thats okay!  My house stays pretty clean.  I do cook sometimes.  As far as I know, Audra seems to be happy, although I always feel like I could be a better mom.  I sometimes wear make-up before leaving the house...although Im hardly ever out of my jeans.  I love God and try to make sure that I keep church a priority.   But still, I want to be better.  Its exhausting hearing the voices in my head that tell me what I should have done different in a day (not literal voices...no need for concern). What I could have done better.

Day 11. Post a recipe.

I don't have a picture of this dish, but I LOVE IT!!  Had I known last week that this would be a recipe I would post, I would have taken a picture of it then.  However, maybe its a good thing I didn't know, because its not very pretty, lol.

Artichoke Dip

2 cans of artichoke hearts, drained and coursely chopped

1 cup of mayo

1 cup of grated parmesian/romano cheese

1/2 cup of freshly grated parmesian cheese

Garlic to taste (I usually put about 4 cloves pressed cloves in)

Pre-heat oven to 350.  Mix ingrediants together and bake for about 35 minutes (should be slightly brown on top).  Serve with Stoned Wheat Thins and voila!  

I know it doesn't sound good...especially if you are like me and are not a fan of mayo.  However, I love, love, love this dish!

Day 10. What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)

I feel like I am constantly in pursuit of being forgiving.  It's one of my many shortcomings, lol.  I pray about it, and try to be conscious of it.  However, every time I'm faced with the people who I feel have some how hurt me, I have a hard time letting it go.  So, I just try to remember what Jesus has done for all of us and still does for all of us.  If he can forgive me of the sins I have committed against him, other people, myself...how can I not forgive someone else of something much more insignificant?

Second regular post in one day.

It's 12:07 a.m.  I have to be at the hospital in 6 hours.  I cannot sleep.  I'm so nervous.  I know that whatever is meant to happen will happen and that I just need to leave it in God's hands, but I'm having a hard time calming myself down.  I'm worried that I made the wrong decision to let them induce me before 40 weeks.  You know, like I'm messing with nature.  I'm also worried about how the contractions will feel with Pitocin.  I know they are suppose to be more intense.  I just wonder if I can handle them without medication.  It was bad enough when laboring with Audra without the Pitocin and by the end of that, I would have married someone if they would have given me an epidural, lol (Im glad I didn't get one though).  I just don't want labor to be slowed any if I cant take the pitocin contractions and end up with the epidural.  There's no sense in worrying...I really just need to pray...

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. Philippians 4: 6

  I am also finding myself kind of sad at this moment.  I don't know what has gotten into me.  I went to the store this evening to pick up a few things for Audra for the next couple of days.  Everytime I thought of her, I would tear up...maybe even cry a little.  I can't explain it, really.  I just love her so much.  I think I'm a little sad to know that in a few short hours, it will never be just the three of us again.  Not that Im not happy to introduce this little boy into our family, but I guess I have just so enjoyed directing all of my attention to her over the past 2+ years, its hard to imagine dividing that attention.  Its a very hard feeling to describe.
Thanks for reading. 

Induction Day!!

Is tomorrow!  I can't believe it.  So much has happened this past week that it hadn't really hit me until today.  I found out last Thursday that I would be induced tomorrow.  It's weird to be able to plan around it.  I just hope that it goes as smoothly as my first labor and delivery did.

Audra is on the mend.  She is still much sicker than I would have hoped at this point, but Im thankful that shes getting better and that I didn't have the baby during the worst of it.  We have been sleeping on the couch for the past 6 days and really, most of our time has been spent there even when not sleeping.  She hasn't really wanted to do anything.  She just started eating and smiling again yesterday.  So that's a good sign.  Its confusing though.  Last night she was the happiest I have seen her in the past week...laughing, playing peek-a-boo, 'cleaning', etc.  Then today, shes back to the crying fits and just laying around.  I suppose its normal, but I just don't know.  I just hope tomorrow is the best day so far and that Nicks mom and dad don't have a horrible day with her...and that she isn't too distraught over not being with us.  Hopefully I will have Elijah by early evening and Nick can just go back home and be with Audra for the remainder of the evening.  That's what I keep praying.  And for the record...there are some amazing drugs that they can give kids to help them when they are sick and Im thankful for that, but some of them do weird/scary things to them.  At one point we had Audra on a mix of Albuterol Nebulizers and Prednisone...wow, she turned into the most bizarre creature.  It was kind of scary really.  She became combative and confused.  Extremely agitated.  Then that night, she had the worst night terrors.  She would wake up screaming and there was NOTHING I could do to calm her down.  It was like she didnt recognize me.  She would try to get away from me and would hit me and just scream.  Then there were other points where she would just wake up and try to crawl right off of the couch and the minute I would touch her, she would scream.  It was awful.  Soooo...no more nebulizer.  Just the Prednisone.  Instead, we have been doing 'saunas'.  Just crank the water in the shower and sit in the bathroom with her for 10-15 minutes.  It really does help with the cough.  She doesn't particularly like it, but I don't like her to walk around not knowing who I am or where she is.  *Sigh*

I have also come down with the sickness over the past couple of days =( .  I think its exactly what Audra has/had.  Went to the walk-in clinic yesterday because I just couldn't take the pain in my face any longer.  They prescribed some antibiotics and a decongestant.  I do feel a little better already.  Hopefully even better by tomorrow.  Although even with the sickness, as long as I have a healthy baby by the end of the day, I doubt much could rain on my parade =) .  I can't wait to see his little face!!!  I want to smell him, look at him, hold him on my chest....Im so EXCITED!!

Poor little Audibell

She's so sick!  Bronchitis = /.  Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon and she will be back to her normal happy (sleeping through the night) self.  I guess its a good thing that I haven't had the baby yet.  I can't imagine having a newborn with bronchitis!  Talk about a heart attack for momma...

I've been craving Boston Cream donuts.  I bought two today.  I have already eaten one, now the other is screaming my name.  It was so good...fresh and soft.  Mmmmm.  And unfortunately, Im craving soft oatmeal cookies with strawberry in the middle.  Weird. 

So tired.  I hope I don't have to sleep on the couch with Audra again tonight.  Don't get me wrong, I love every minute of the snuggle fest that takes place when Audra is sick, but sleeping on the couch was brutal.  There just isn't enough room for the two (technically three) of us! 

Whew...

As you can see, I'm trying really hard to catch up on Project 31.  I have been so tired the past couple of days that its all I can do to watch t.v., lol.  I don't really know whats up with me...maybe labor day is coming soon????  I hope so. 

Speaking of labor day....I had my weekly visit with the O.B. Thursday.  Little Elijah is looking really good, and really comfortable = / .  So although my due date is fast approaching, hes just hanging out in there.  NOTHING is going on.  NO signs of impending labor.  Bummer.  However, Im really glad that there are no signs of distress or anything that would cause them to medically intervene. 

In other news, Nick was home all day today.  That was soooo nice.  I got to sleep a lot.  And Audra was super happy to spend the day with him.  They went to Lowes, Home Depot, and the Lumber Supply store this afternoon...every little girls dream, lol.  She told me they had fun though.  They apparently went fast in the shopping cart at Home Depot.  So cute.

Now that its 9 p.m., I suppose I should think about eating something.  Maybe some chili con queso and ceaser salad?  Sounds good to me!!

Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself?

Honesty.  That is my number one.  I am very proud of my track record of honesty.  I like the fact that my husband, friends, and family know that when I say something, its the truth (or what I believe to be the truth).  They know that I would never purposely lie to them or deceive them.  And when asked my honest opinion, I give it. 

Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!

About two years and three months ago, I traded in my highlights for a ponytail, my heels for sneakers, my manicures for short nails that wouldn't hurt babies, my dress clothes for jeans, and my make-up for moisturizer...on the days that I cared enough to apply it.  I became a stay at home mom to a colicky, refluxy, milk allergy ridden, sweet and beautiful baby.  With all of the spit up, lack of sleep, and comforting I did, my top beauty routine consisted of washing my face in the shower.  Somehow I fell into that routine of just being a comfortable mom.  Thats a-okay with me!  Nowadays, mascara is about as far as I go with make-up.  However, the one thing I still consistently use from my pre-stay at home mom days is expensive shampoo and conditioner.  Although, I did downgrade from Purology to Joico.  I just find that my hair looks and feels way better when I wash with a salon grade shampoo and conditioner.  Even my husband ( who used to be a Suave kind of guy) now only wants Joico...lol.  And I have yet to forgo my Lancome face wash.  I just love the way it makes my skin feel.

Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.

This is Gineanne and her husband, Ryan.  I met her about a year after moving to Massachusetts.  Immediately we became friends.  We met at a mutual friends house, exchanged numbers, and actually followed through and called one another....that kind of thing just doesn't happen to me because Im so painfully introverted.  However, it was a match made in heaven, lol.  While we may not talk everyday (actually far from it), I always know that the next time I do talk to her (which may be weeks or months) she will be the exact same person she was the last time I talked with her.  The same exact person I met 7 years ago.  I love that about her.  Not to mention, I have never met someone who is as positive and uplifting as she is.  There were days (before children) that she and I would go to the beach and lay there for HOURS (the only other person I have ever met that loves that as much as I do).  We would talk about anything and everything.  By the time we would leave, my spirit would feel so refreshed...like I just got energized.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the sun and the ocean played a part in that (lol), but certainly the biggest factor was having such a good friend to talk through my thoughts with.  She has one of the most beautiful spirits I have ever seen a person have and its amazing that it never changes.  I just love her...exactly as she is.

Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

Its sad, really.  I have long struggled with the world's definition of beauty.  As far back as 13, I have felt jaded by the world and the beautiful people in it.  I hate to admit it, but I still feel that way...maybe less so, but there are those days.
For me, the focus has always been being thin.  There were times when I was much younger that I longed to be a drug addict...because they were always so thin.  Mind you, I wasn't over weight back then.  I was completely normal.  Talk about sad.  Thank goodness I saw the wisdom in not being a junkie.
A little later in life, I had a bit of a hard time with an eating disorder.  I didn't even realize what I was really doing.  Didn't even consider it a problem until much later.  Thank the Lord it never really got out of hand and that I never became truly ill because of it.
I can't count the number of times I have beaten myself up for being big.  How many times I told myself that I wasn't good enough, that Nick couldn't possibly love me, that I would never go anywhere with my life because no one wanted someone like me to represent the successful.  I can't remember how many times I would scream and cry out about how much I hated myself, what a pig I was.
It has affected every aspect of my life.  Years of depression.  All because I was never so thin that you could see my ribs...and for a long time, thats what I thought the perfect weight was.
I'm thankful that I'm past most of that.  I have come to realize that its not about my weight at all.  Its about being healthy.  It's also about treating my body with the respect it deserves.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

While I still struggle with body image from time to time, I am amazed at what my body is capable of.  To be able to conceive and nourish and grow another human, thats a MIRACLE!!  Not to mention, feed and nourish that human after birth as well...wow!  God has blessed me in so many ways that I can only be thankful that I have a body that does what it does.  

Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

Oh Nick, how I love you, let me count the ways...

You make me feel important.  You make me feel like there is no one else in the world you would rather spend your time with.  We have been through so much together in the past 10 years and there is no one else in the world I would have rather had those experiences with.  You are a miracle to me.  It doesn't matter if I'm 9 months pregnant or if I've been kickboxing religiously and am in the best shape of my life...you love me because I'm me.  I'm so glad.  And I love you the same...you are the sexiest man to me...even when you have just woken up and look like a vampire (see above).  But you are truly most beautiful to me when you are just being you...

...a great husband, father, friend, man. 

I love you and am so thankful that you were made just for me.

Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.

Lol....I can't believe Im going to post this picture, but here it goes....

Its 5:30 a.m., Christmas morning.  That is my favorite pregnancy top and my favorite pajama bottoms.  Put them together, my favorite thing to wear.  Not out of the house, of course, but certainly something you could catch me in regularly.  It doesn't make me feel pretty, but I'm all about comfort in these last couple of months.

Ugh...

I just feel blah.  I think I drank too much water too quickly.  That is one thing I look forward to not having to deal with after giving birth...being uncontrollably thirsty and not being able to drink as much as I want to.  EVERY time I drink to my satisfaction, that ice cold water with tons of ice in it (sometimes a lemon), I feel soooo sick after.
I also look forward to getting rid of this heartburn!!  Every day I have heartburn and its usually all day.  I wake up choking on it in the middle of the night.  I always feel like there is a volcano erupting in my body.  Lets see, what else....
I look forward to being able to sleep comfortably.  I cant wait to be able to bend over again.  I look forward to not making a big production of getting down/up off the floor.  It will be nice to not have to go to the bathroom a hundred times a day.  I look forward to not vomiting all the time.  It will be nice to be able to breath.  Hmmm....I think that's it for now.
However, I will miss feeling him moving around.  Right now, hes all mine.  I'm never alone.  I'm providing everything he needs...no one else.  That's kind of a special feeling.  While its no secret to anyone that I truly dislike pregnancy,  I feel so blessed to be able to experience it and have my own children.  I have gone from being extremely anxious about having a second (what if I don't love him as much as I love Audra?  How can I possibly manage two kids when on a lot of days, a toddler is more than enough?  Will I ever sleep again?  What if he is refluxy and colicky like Audra was?  Will I lose my mind? ...you get the idea) to being completely at peace with having another.  I am so looking forward to meeting this little guy.  I just want to hold him, snuggle him, take naps with him, look him over to make sure hes completely healthy and perfect...etc.  I think I just came to realize that I have no control over what life will be like with two, but that I will always do my best and Im sure we will all survive =) .

Matthew 6:34
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I have found a lot of comfort in this verse.  God will not let me flounder about.  He will not give me more than I can handle.  I have to just turn my worries over to him because hes the one in control anyway.  

So, I will not fail as a mother.  I'm sure I will have my bad days, but my children will be okay.  There is no question that they will always be loved by my husband and I.  I suppose that's all they really want anyway, isn't it?  To be unconditionally loved?

Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?

I have recently met someone who inspires beauty.  She is my pastors wife.  I have been following her blog for a little while and have only recently actually met her and spoken with her.  There is something special about her, though.  She is one of those women who seems to be a beacon for others.  She is a woman of God and it shines through her words, her children, and even in the way she carries herself.  She is graceful, honest, and simply just who she is.  No apologies.  I look forward to getting to know her better and I'm sure, learning a lot from her.

Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?

This is a tough one for me to think about.  I mean, there are a lot of people in the world who are opinionated, compassionate, introverted, honest...etc.  So none of these attributes, which are definitely me, are necessarily unique.  I think there are many of us who are awkward when around new people, who are selfish sometimes but in the same breath very giving, who can become horribly unmotivated but then turn around and blast a project through the roof.  Know what I mean?

Maybe my uniqueness comes from where I am, where I came from.  I am definitely the only mother to Audra....the only wife to Nick.  God made me specifically for a reason...he has a unique plan for me.  While I may not know what it is that my future holds or what God has set aside for me, I do know that my daughter wouldn't be the same if she had a different mom and that my husband wouldn't be living the same life that he is currently living, if it weren't for me.  That is good enough for me.

Day 1. What does beauty mean to you?

Beauty:

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

Strangely, this is nothing close to what I feel like beauty is.  Well, I mean I guess it kind of is.  After all, Webster isn't wrong.  However, I envisioned the definition to sound more beautiful, lol.

To me, beauty is my daughter laughing while my husband mercilessly tickles her.  Its also in the way she looks at the world...smelling flowers that don't really 'smell', but loving it all the same.  Or maybe I just feel like she's the epitome of beautiful.  Its her spirit, so utterly innocent.  She is pure light and goodness.  So sweet and compassionate.  I just love her.  

Maybe this isn't quite the answer for the question that was asked, but its the first thing that comes to mind when I think of beauty. 

Whats this all about?

I suppose that maybe I should have waited to start this.  Considering I'm 37+ weeks pregnant with my second child and all.  I may not have the time to update like I would like.  However, I think this blog is more for me anyway.  Kind of like my own personal journal, I guess.  But really, what is it for everyone else who blogs?  Isn't it just a document of your thoughts, feelings, day-to-day life? 

I am inspired to do this based on some of the other blogs I have read.  I especially like the blogs from other moms and other women of God.  It amazes me how someone I have never met can have such an impact on me.  However, I have to keep in mind a couple of things when I read these blogs....

1. I am not these women...we all have our own weaknesses and strengths
2. It does me no good to compare myself to everyone else....just be inspired and take what I can from anothers experience.
3. Just because someone says it, doesn't make it the truth.

Another reason I'm doing this is because of something called Project 31.  I love love love this idea...and I love reading the other blogs.  I'm obviously gonna be a little late joining in on this one, but none the less, I am gonna do it anyway!