Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

Its sad, really.  I have long struggled with the world's definition of beauty.  As far back as 13, I have felt jaded by the world and the beautiful people in it.  I hate to admit it, but I still feel that way...maybe less so, but there are those days.
For me, the focus has always been being thin.  There were times when I was much younger that I longed to be a drug addict...because they were always so thin.  Mind you, I wasn't over weight back then.  I was completely normal.  Talk about sad.  Thank goodness I saw the wisdom in not being a junkie.
A little later in life, I had a bit of a hard time with an eating disorder.  I didn't even realize what I was really doing.  Didn't even consider it a problem until much later.  Thank the Lord it never really got out of hand and that I never became truly ill because of it.
I can't count the number of times I have beaten myself up for being big.  How many times I told myself that I wasn't good enough, that Nick couldn't possibly love me, that I would never go anywhere with my life because no one wanted someone like me to represent the successful.  I can't remember how many times I would scream and cry out about how much I hated myself, what a pig I was.
It has affected every aspect of my life.  Years of depression.  All because I was never so thin that you could see my ribs...and for a long time, thats what I thought the perfect weight was.
I'm thankful that I'm past most of that.  I have come to realize that its not about my weight at all.  Its about being healthy.  It's also about treating my body with the respect it deserves.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body," (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

While I still struggle with body image from time to time, I am amazed at what my body is capable of.  To be able to conceive and nourish and grow another human, thats a MIRACLE!!  Not to mention, feed and nourish that human after birth as well...wow!  God has blessed me in so many ways that I can only be thankful that I have a body that does what it does.