It's 12:07 a.m. I have to be at the hospital in 6 hours. I cannot sleep. I'm so nervous. I know that whatever is meant to happen will happen and that I just need to leave it in God's hands, but I'm having a hard time calming myself down. I'm worried that I made the wrong decision to let them induce me before 40 weeks. You know, like I'm messing with nature. I'm also worried about how the contractions will feel with Pitocin. I know they are suppose to be more intense. I just wonder if I can handle them without medication. It was bad enough when laboring with Audra without the Pitocin and by the end of that, I would have married someone if they would have given me an epidural, lol (Im glad I didn't get one though). I just don't want labor to be slowed any if I cant take the pitocin contractions and end up with the epidural. There's no sense in worrying...I really just need to pray...
Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. Philippians 4: 6
I am also finding myself kind of sad at this moment. I don't know what has gotten into me. I went to the store this evening to pick up a few things for Audra for the next couple of days. Everytime I thought of her, I would tear up...maybe even cry a little. I can't explain it, really. I just love her so much. I think I'm a little sad to know that in a few short hours, it will never be just the three of us again. Not that Im not happy to introduce this little boy into our family, but I guess I have just so enjoyed directing all of my attention to her over the past 2+ years, its hard to imagine dividing that attention. Its a very hard feeling to describe.
Thanks for reading.
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